Christmas cracker jokes
Here are 24 Christmas cracker jokes for the whole table: the kind that make kids laugh and grown-ups groan, all new and all clean, fine for a church dinner or the office party. Print the slips, cut them out and roll one inside each cracker with the paper crown.
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What does a fish sing at Christmas?
Christmas corals.
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What did the paper hat say to the cracker?
"You're pulling my leg."
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What did the cracker say after it was pulled?
"I'm in two minds about this."
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Why are crackers always so nervous?
They know they're about to crack under pressure.
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Why did the cracker go to the doctor?
It kept snapping at people.
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Why was the paper crown so proud?
It came out on top.
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Why did the star on the tree need a nap?
It had been up all night.
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What did the stocking say to the fireplace?
"I'm hung up on you."
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What did the gravy say to the potatoes?
"Let's not make a mash of this."
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Why did the sprout feel left out?
Nobody ever asks for seconds.
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How does a snow globe say hello?
"What's shaking?"
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Why did the Christmas tree hire a lawyer?
It wanted a fir trial.
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Why was the Advent calendar so worried?
Its days were numbered.
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What did the wreath say to the front door?
"Hang in there."
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Why did the candle quit its job?
It was burned out.
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Why did the robin sit on the Christmas card?
It was trying out for cardinal.
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Why did the marshmallow go to the party?
It wanted to make a toast.
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What do you call a snowman who loves to dance?
A snowballerina.
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What's a sled's favorite subject at school?
Snow-cial studies.
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Why are Christmas lights such good students?
They are very bright.
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Why do carolers never get lost?
They always know the score.
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What do you call a pudding that tells jokes?
A figgy pun-ding.
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Why did the tinsel go to art school?
It wanted to learn how to draw attention.
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What did the cocoa say to the marshmallow?
"You float my boat."
No crackers? Fold the slips and put one under each plate, or pass a bowl of them around after dinner. Whoever groans loudest reads the next one.
After dinner, take the whole family for a walk down the lane
Snowglobe Lane is a whole Christmas street you can walk down online: Advent windows to light, carols to sing, a kitchen with cookies to bake, a workshop with things to color and print, and a quiet chapel at the end of the lane.